Suzie Johnson

We Stopped Bread in our House

We stopped… actually I stopped bread in our house. Kiwi the tortured soul, says “how’s a man meant to survive without bread lol”. He’s pretty stoked about it all lol… NOT

Gotta love him, he said he’s guna get black market bread, put it under his bed lol. No pies, no bread, no heart attacks.

Do u miss the bread kiwi? F–k yeah … lol

Watch my YouTube video on it by CLICKING HERE


Love Suz x

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Kiwi the pie eater is stoked lol… not!

Healthy choice 👍🏻😄

Wifey looking after her maaaan! 😄👍🏻

Watch my YouTube video by CLICKING HERE

Suz x


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Reminiscing on “the Joys of toilet training”

Reminiscing on “the Joys of toilet training”

Sprinting off to check the loo is safe before a visitor goes in!!! They need more training. We still have the phantom shitter strike occasionally… leaves a log, no loo paper in the bowl, doesn’t flush.

I’ll catch them one day!


Watch my video to see more by CLICKING HERE!


Suz x

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House work makes you ugly!
Don’t do too much.

My OCD mates won’t cope.
Watch it at ya own risk lol CLICK HERE


Suz x

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I’m Not Going to Tell you How to Parent

I’m not guna tell you how to parent in my Parenting Show. Take what you need from me talking about every aspect of parenting. I grew up in the 70s, in an era where quality time with dad was a trip to the dump, TAB and filling flagons at the Onekawa.

I discus my 5 kids and others, different ages. Eating a packet of blue tack, kids chatting to you on the loo while you poo or wee. Danger shags, putting the Wiggles video on so you get 15 mins away from Toddler eyes. Feeding, sleeping, socialising, risk taking, creative horse shit picking up discipline, through the years.

Fanny prolapse, incontinence laughs, pygmy boobs, losing it, the looks, relationships, everything. Stories, scenarios, raw relate-able real! I’m a BAD arse mum, not a snob mob mum.

I can do a fundraiser talk for your school or organisation, email me at


Suz …

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SHARE with a Bestie

SHARE with a Bestie

And share ghost chips
And ghost cider
And ghost caramel baked cheesecake
And sit by our heated ghost pool


Suz x

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Love your Hair Suz

I’ve had some private messages about who cuts my hair, people wanting to stop colouring theirs and going silver. I’m glad I’m a silver fox now, was black hair, long black hair, I started looking a bit hard. Glad silver is trendy now, I don’t regret it.

AMELIA LONDON at Spectra in Palmerston North cuts mine, they’re on George street.

Yup I’m grey now naturally, but she puts in a tint now and then. Go see her, get a do that suits your face shape and your schedule.

No high maintenance for this mama.


Suz x


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Mother of the Year Tonight!

Mother of the year tonight.

Cereal and milk with hard boiled eggs, for dinner tonight kids… watching Beauty and the Beast movie!

My bra is off, this mum has clocked out for the day.

Covered most of my bases… Dairy, Carbs, Protein and Fruit (dried)


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Does your child talk ALOT?

I talk a lot… a lot! Always have, Oprah said “I was a talkin child”. My brain fires stuff at me constantly that is random and feels urgent. Then it says to me internally “quick you have to say it before you forget it”. My brain often doesn’t give me time to organise my thoughts, find some tact and prioritise what I need to say. I have an over powering urge and a need to get it out, I don’t mean to be but can be tactless, which has got me in trouble a lot. At times I talk so fast, because I have a lot to say, in a small amount of time. I spray my words like a machine gun.

My school reports reflected that in a negative way every year “If she put as much time into her school work, as she does into socialising she would do extremely well”. I heard on the telly, on the news when I was last in Melbourne that apparently girls that talk a lot could be ADHD, makes sense. I control it better now, age plus experience helps. I can read a situation better, I’m older. I have trouble sleeping at times because my brain doesn’t like to switch off. I often listen to sleep meditation via YouTube in bed to get sleep. I have a pad by my bed so I can write things down to clear de-clutter my head, I have hundreds of books I write in. I really need to concentrate to be a good listener, close my mouth and open my ears, an art I’m trying to improve, especially as a mum. I need to merely listen and hug not always feel I need to help solve their problems for them.

If you have a chatty daughter put her into speech and drama, that’s positive. If you have a chatty kid don’t tell them to shut up. Be mindful, sit down occasionally look us in the eye and listen as we often have interesting things to say. Don’t just give low energy responses like, mmm, oh, wow, as we know you aren’t listening, it feels like you don’t care. Making talking a positive experience.

My brother used to say ” shuuuuut uuuuppp Suzie, no one wants to hear about your stupid horse”. Mum would let me talk about my horse for half an hour each night while she cooked tea. She always would say “Suzie… think before you speak”. I now talk for a living, public speaking in a bid to empower women including myself. My much younger sister by 16 years, always says I’m undiagnosed ADHD, a bit manic, ADHD was unheard of when I was growing up in the 70s, Mum just kept me busy. I kept myself busy organising the neighbourhood kids to make shows and play schools, of course I was always the teacher.

Let them talk, tell her broad casting school in Wellington is a great option, with all that talk she could be on the radio or tv or in politics one day. I will… “She believed she could, so she did” with my rock a very patient, tolerant husband by my side, “he believes I can, so I do!”

Suz x


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Up by 6am

Up at 6 am, gone to Napier by 7 am, worked at SEW our factory, then dinner with my sister and the drive home to Tokomaru by 10 pm. Joys of being self-employed, totally my choice. I was told today that “I’m lucky” I hate that. It’s not luck, a Lotto win is luck. It’s high risk, hard work, time away from my kids, self-belief and gritty determination.

Came in the door, chucked in a load of washing, patted the dogs, checked my sleeping kids, looked in the fridge (habit I do at everyone’s house, looking for inspiration) and… nooooo… washing machine leak. Some things can wait till the morning, house work makes you ugly. I’ll pretend I never saw it, surprise for Kiwi in the morning. I’ll act all surprised, he’ll be up first and see it first and feel he must sort it.

Wife of the year, not tonight, I’m tired, bed for me.



Suz x


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Watch What You Say to People

Did anyone see that bullying doco?

I said to my boys and their mate on the way to school “watch what you say to people especially girls”. Things you say may be a passing comment and you forget straight away, but that comment can say in the persons head for ever and really affect them. Then Fletch on the radio cemented what I had said, he said someone at school called him a mono brow, so he got his dads razor and shaved between his eyes, the full width of the razor!!! His mum nearly died when she saw what he had done and gave him tweezers for future use!

Words can hurt…

Too fat
Too skinny
Bung eye

Teach kids to have empathy to choose their words carefully. Teach them empathy and that there is a ripple effect for everything. Teach them to stick up for the little guy. Teach them bully’s suck, if you remind them enough hopefully it sinks in. I pull mine up regularly for comments to their siblings, remind and teach what is and isn’t acceptable.

Be kind as you don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s world.

Have a great day peeps!
Crazy mama x



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Speaking at Linton Military Camp

I received such a warm welcome from all the officers and their wives, when I was guest speaking at Linton Military Camp. Great conversation and food, I was treated so well, like a lady, chairs pulled out, the works. A beautiful seven course meal and fancy settings, it was like a wedding being seated at the top table. I kept my talk raw, real, relatable, you know me… UNPC… a bit of a laugh, but lots of heart. Everything from business to what I’ve learnt as a mum, a wife and an entrepreneur.

I could fit a lot of words into the 20 mins I had been allocated, I machine gun talked lol, sprayed my words 😊 Some men looked shell shocked as the women nodded away. I like to learn from any experience, tonight I learnt something from Jethro, he’s in the Air Force. We discussed behavior and actions, he teaches this at home to his kids and to his team at work.

The concept “Staying above the line!”


Own your decisions and actions, love this!

Crazy Mama Suz xxx

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How to Paint your Chickens Claws

A tutorial on how to paint your pet chooks claws/ nails with Pipi Johnson. An important life skill.

No pet chickens were harmed in the making of this video.

Quite the opposite, all pimped out and nowhere to go.

To check out Pipi’s video CLICK HERE

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I’m a food addict

I’m a food addict, I’m either really good, or really bad, I think about food all the time. Every night I go to bed thinking I’ll eat better and exercise tomorrow. Then I go well until there’s a shared lunch, like on Wednesday at work I hoovered, or at 3pm I eat all I can find. I get excited emotionally when I see yummy food, it’s crazy lol

Will power is O.% OR 100%, no happy medium. I binge eat all or nothing with this chick. Then I hate myself for it, torture myself. That’s that self-sabotage negative voice in my head, it’s a vicious cycle. If there’s nothing nice to eat I’ll make muffins or bickies, then eat half the mixture. I’ll down cake or chocolate or lollies in the car, sneaky. Eat till I feel so full, I feel sick.

Kiwi pissed me off, he’s gone away on a boy’s trip for five days, I’ve got a speaking engagement at the army camp to prep and six kids at home, loads of shit to get done. So I made a batch of just add water instant date scones and ate seven last night with thick butter at 9 pm!!! WTF… Yup then I slept like shit and feel yuck this morning.

I’m putting back on the weight I lost boxing and It’s frustrating as, I have lost the motivation to train. My tone is disappearing and I’m gutted as it was sooo hard to lose it and gain muscle. I like curves but love feeling fit. I’ve done nothing for a week but work and eat like a savage, makes you gassy and bloated.

I was in China buying fabric then Australia and am making “I have no time excuses” again. Food is medicine, I feel like shit. It’s hard to get up and my brain is foggy. I’m grumpier and have a shorter wick with the kids, it’s way bigger than just looking trim. It’s that feeling of self-control , not craving sugar and carbs and feeling strong mentally and physically unstoppable.

I went back to see my nutrition/trainer Sue at Gravitate in Palmy this week and got a meal plan, did measurements and I will get her to make me accountable. She is a no-nonsense motivator, we all need support and help at times. She’s sorting me a training schedule and I’ll take my own advice.

  • Get up early
  • Make time for me
  • Stop watching tv, that creates time at night
  • Yup it’s cold out, put on a jacket and walk/run
  • Get to the gym

Sue will help me to help myself.

  • It all comes down to me
  • I’m responsible for me
  • She can’t do it for me
  • She can help me with the tools I need
  • I must do it for my wellbeing

It’s the struggle that gives us strength. I’ll re read the woman’s wellness book by Dr Libby weaver, it has to be a life style change. No excuses crazy mama, today is another day. I’ll get up, sort the kids, show up to Lees blast class at city fitness, try my best to keep on track. We all fuck up as long as I learn and try again the next day. I’m telling you because I know there’s others like me and we can support each other. Making myself accountable publicly gets my arse up and out the door. Like the boxing public fight I did, nothing like the thought of a hiding in public to make you train.🥊 I’m doing half marathon 2nd December, I fuckin hate running but needed a goal.😩 So each week I’ll let you know what I’m doing. Each day PUSH PLAY, I hope to motivate you too. Some people look like they so have their life together and don’t always!

Keeping it real, raw, relatable and honest. To many fake PC people on social media, they make us feel shit because they seem so together and perfect. You never know what goes on behind closed doors, some are great at keeping up appearances. I always think it could be worse, I could be addicted to heroin, but you don’t need heroin to survive like you need custard squares and RJs liquorice lol. At some time you just gotta shake yourself and say get a grip woman and take back your control!

You guys rock, love sharing with you, it’s healing. I’m ready to carve it up at the Gym in a group session, then get home to work. Have a fab day, I am stoaked I made it to the gym, positive little steps in the right direction.

Suz xxx


P.s Kiwi deserves a break, he works fricken hard, I’m over it now, texted him safe travels ❤️


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Getting Sorted for Kids

Getting sorted for the kids. Yup read it and adhere, Murphy reckons he will cross his name out… lol

I said there’s cameras watching and turned and pointed to a light on hard drive. He’s like “Whatever mum, I’m not stupid, that’s the light that says the computer is on !!!” Clever boy, not so gullible now, dam it.

When they were smaller, I’d point to people on their phone in PAC n SAVE or Bunnings and say, “behave they are talking to 🎅 Santa about you and if you are behaving or not”.
Lol Suz

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Mr Brother Had a Milk Run

My brother had a milk run, other kids had a paper run, what did you have? I worked in the Pirimai dairy from 12 till 20. I paid for my pony, gear and grazing myself. Taught people to save for what they want.

Parents… don’t give kids instant gratification by handing over things, for example, a phone they haven’t had to work for. Mine saved and bought their own when they started high school. Make them learn patience, value for money, shopping around and the difference between a need and want. Them paying will make them value it more, look after it better and appreciate how much hard work goes into having the dollars for a purchase. Don’t let them pay things off, hire purchase, that doesn’t help wanting instant gratification, teach kids to save. We teach ours spend half, save half. Teach them to bargain and to get a discount with cash. Teach them a second hand one is fine, until you save enough to get the fancy iPhone you want. Don’t spoil your kids with stuff, teach them stuff isn’t who they are eg the latest label clothes or iPhone, it’s what they use. Spoil them with 😍 I love you and your time.

I laughed at this, we saved to buy a new bed a few years ago. Went to buy one with cash, I didn’t want to book one up. The shop assistant said, “wow you have cash! it’s usually only drug dealers and Asians that have cash!”. I said, “well I’m neither of those!!!!”


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Mmmm Kiwi

Mmmmm Kiwi my husband takes the girls shopping, bless him, best intentions. I love that he will take them shopping, he hates shopping. On daddy dates, he follows them and they lead him around the shops they want to look in eg Smiggles, K-Mart, Toy World etc. My dad would never have done this! Our dates with my dad John King in the late 70’s were TAB, filling flagons or the weekend trip to the dump. Occasional swim at the river or beach as long as he could bring beer.

One-time Kiwi came home and Scarlet aged about five had black long boots up to her thighs, we called them her slapper boots. Pipi picked tight shiny tights with glitter and spikey domes down the side, suitable for miss six years old, we called them her stripper pants… classy!

Now Kiwi phones to run any clothing picks the girls make past me. He’s says, “Well that’s what they wanted” gotta laugh. The girls wore the items until one day neither could be found. The bonus of me being the chief cook and bottle washer, ugly clothes can just disappear…

Then be replaced with pink boots and pink tights picked by mum ❤️

Suz x


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Challenge Yourself

Challenge yourself!

  • Get out of your comfort zone!
  • It makes you feel alive!
  • The stress of a new challenge creates more focus!

Fight or flight, it’s a biological response, we all have self-doubt, that’s normal. Still push and try, find joy in the journey. When you complete the challenge, you feel amazing!!!

  • Trust in yourself!
  • Trust the process in getting there!
  • No regrets!
  • No excuses!

My challenge, my new parenting show I’m writing, I’m speaking end of September. December I’m doing Iron Maori half marathon in Napier. Then after that another goal of some sort, maybe book number two?

What’s your next challenge or goal? Could be anything, big or small:

  • Study?
  • Travel?
  • Saving?
  • Fitness?
  • Relationship improvement?
  • Music lessons?
  • Night class?
  • Local council?
  • Tell me!

I have more to say on challenges, watch my video by clicking here

Suz x

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Getting out of your comfort zone at 43 can be hard, lead by example. I do it so my kids can see they, or I, can do anything if you want to. How do you know how well you will do if you don’t try, whatever you do, just try and do it with good attitude and lots of heart.

The end of season rugby game, kids vs parents. Dads usually only play, but this crazy mama, try hard, All Black, thought I’d give it a go too. Making memories and having a laugh while getting some exercise was my rationale. I quite enjoy embarrassing my kids too. I think they were surprised I have got a bit of mongrel in me, snatching the ball or shoving people and getting among the rucks.

Reluctant to play in the rain, freezing cold, funnily enough I actually really really enjoyed it. The thing is on the day of the game I really couldn’t be bothered, hoped they’d cancel, but once you have committed you have to front up. Glad I did, was a great day, with a lovely bunch of parents, kids and supporters. Good to meet new peeps 👍🏻😄

Sign up 
Show up
Do it!


Suz x

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Teach your kids!

Teach your kids they need to work too, don’t hand over everything for nothing. Let them earn it or at least go halves with you for things.

RESPECT… they need to understand, you as a caregiver needs to go to work, do a hard day graft to pay for their clothes, food, sport and transport. It’s not easy, you juggle bills and go without for them. Make sure they thank you, have a grateful attitude, a I’ll do my best attitude, not just expect. Thanks for dinner, a ride to rugby or something like a uniform you have bought them. Life isn’t about running around after teenagers 24/7, or it’s going be a rude awakening when they get out on their own and they’ll expect society owes them something. Common courtesy and manners are important. Pull them up for a half arse job, a half arse greeting to an adult, get them to re do it. As an employer, there’s nothing worse than an employee not pulling their weight, expecting to be paid for a half arse Harry attitude and poor work ethic.

One of my kids just got a rev up this arvo! Do a job and do it properly, don’t be ungrateful. Help your parents who work hard for you to give you a good life.  Answering back and complaining won’t get you anywhere, just in more trouble, less privileges, no rides to town, no technology, no money and picking up horse shit!

Consequences and ripple effect, own your actions or reactions. Make sure they know their actions affect others. Do their future partner and employers a favour, teach teens now to work well in a team (play team sport all through school and after). Teach kids to look people in the eye and talk clearly, greet people respectfully and have manners (not to grunt). People skills and networking in this day and age is what will get you ahead in life. Especially because so many kids are now on technology they can’t string together a decent conversation.

Teach them life isn’t all about them, it’s about compromise and hard work. Teach them to take on board constructive criticism, learn, absorb it and carry on. Sulking or complaining doesn’t help anyone. I use “I love you but not your behavior”.

Parents you aren’t your kids walking bank, let them wash your windows, clean your car, do a part time job or babysit for cash to see a movie or to buy something they want. Four kids of mine are down at the shops helping Kiwi work, ones here helping me sort the house. They’ll respect themselves more by making their own dollars and helping others.

Give them the gift of work ethic. They will not thank you now but they will later, so will their future employer.

Suz x

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Your POWER is in how you react!

Your power is in how you react to a situation, your house, your rules. Respect for themselves, others and you. Tell your kids, if they’d be too embarrassed to show grandma the pics on their phone, probably best to delete them!

Oh, and god only knows what is happening with my hair this morning LOL, but I’m in the office today. So aren’t too concerned, LOL hot crazy hair mama keeping it real!

Suz x

Check out my video for what else I have to say about the subject!


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Absorbing some brainy vibes!

I’m in the library, so I don’t find things to do at home, like clean.

Absorbing some brainy vibes…sitting in here. All my tabs are open. Set my goals, smashing the shit out of them. Goal number One is to do 21 km run in Iron Maori Napier December 2nd, 2017.  I ran around Massey, boxed yesterday just keeping fit each day, it helps my mood.

Goal number two is writing my UNPC, real, raw, relatable, earthy, funny parenting show! It’s in Napier, the first one is a fundraiser at the end of September. Tickets are available at our Napier OOSH store.

Procrastinating a bit, people watching, love it.  It’s hard to be quiet in here, I creepily whisper if people talk to me, I wanna yell out stuff! I respect librarians they seem so self-contained. Piano people come and randomly play it intrigues me to watch.

Have a great day.

Crazy mama Suz!

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Haha Kiwi… my husband!

I took this last night all his clean washing piled up beside the bed and check out the book title on top LOL. I kept laughing so much, he hates being in the public eye, I couldn’t resist a pic. He reckons he has hardly any space as I have all the drawers and two wardrobes.

P.S. we aren’t hoarders!

I said I need all those clothes because I want to look good for him 😉 He bought me flowers yesterday and cooked me brecky this morning.
He’s a keeper… a zoo keeper round here  (with a sore shoulder from the rugby against the kids, check out the purple tub of Antiflam on the side table!)

Suz x

Haha Kiwi ! 1

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One on one time with the kids

Having one on one when you have 5 kids can be a mission, so I keep it simple. It doesn’t have to be leaving the house or going to town, it doesn’t have to cost a fortune. You have just gotta be present be in the moment, mindful, giving them your undivided attention for half an hour at least. Chat, guide, funny they learn without even realising.

  • Baking – teaching them to trust and follow a process.
  • Prepping tea – food safety.
  • A bike ride to kick a ball around – sport and coordination.
  • Planting in the garden little shop plants – nature and growing things.
  • Lying on the couch snuggled up watching the block – feeling the love !!!
  • Fixing or building something – creativity respect for tools.
  • Just making them feel valued as an individual – making memories.

I know we are all busy working, but now my twins are older in year 10, I wish I slowed down a bit to let them catch up. Not be so task oriented, housework can wait! Now when they chill, all the kids will help ice Pipis banana creations with chocolate icing and chuck on some hundreds and thousands, fancy, quality family time right there, no technology required, Ohhh except an oven and beater.

Boom… mother of the YEAH!
Happy kids ❤️

They wanted to share with their teachers too cute! Paying it forward! (they washed their hands so safe to eat!)

Suz x

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Social media approval from the family

I’ve sat all my kids and hubby down a few weeks ago to talk. Asked them are they OK with me discussing topics including them openly on my public profile page.

  • Talking
  • Blogging
  • Videos
  • UNPC at times
  • Raw real relatable
  • Interactive
  • Thought provoking
  • Supportive to other parents
  • Business
  • Life
  • Discipline
  • Funny stories
  • Craziness 
  • Parenting our way
  • Them
  • Fun
  • Current daily events
  • Everything and anything

My kids are great, secure in themselves said they don’t mind at all, they like it. The kids at school think it’s cool one said. I’ve always been extremely open and honest with them from day one. It’s kinda normal for them, Mum is Mum.


  • A bit out there
  • UNPC
  • Tactless
  • Filter free
  • Extrovert

But ALWAYS with pure intentions, that’s how we Johnson’s roll.❤️ They agreed to talk to me if anything I do or say upsets them on here, so far so good. Their self-esteem is 100% intact. You, me and the kids are learning as we go, let’s support and help each other, life’s a crazy ride! Have a few laughs along the way.

I know my very open, not very private style will ruffle a few people’s feathers along this journey, but at least it gets us all talking and communicating. Pushing the limits and out of our comfort zone makes us feel alive.
Suz x


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Happy Fathers Day

Happy Father’s Day!

To the non-biological dads that have stepped up. To the grandfathers, the legend father in laws like mine Joe! Happy Father’s Day to the single mums carrying the load of both parents. Mum raised my sister Bex on her own.

Happy Father’s Day to the Dads in heaven like mine, John king 👍🏻

Lotto, socks, homemade cards and a roast was my husband Kiwis excitement. Hanging out at home for our family mucking in the shed and the paddocks. Nothing materialistic, just chillin. I picked the father of my children well. I’m lucky to have a husband who’s a great dad to our kids but half the neighborhood as well. He’s a big, larger than life, family oriented, quietly loving, non-fuss, get on with it sort of NZ bloke who will always help a mate. He’s generous, patient, tolerant, a hugger, a loud laugher, a kid magnet and he is non-judgmental. Loves the simple things like the odd Kung Fu movie, a beer with some boil up and fishing. No interest in gossip or drama but can cook a mean feed for many. Always puts in a full hard day at work then still makes time for the kids. He’s secure in who he is and doesn’t want fancy clothes or cars to prove his worth. No shame in jandles 24/7 for him. He is a good listener and comforter, instinctively knows how to put people at ease. A good sense of humor a booming laugh with a few drinks in him he will carve up the dance floor.

Kiwi the super brainy Maori fulla …

And Scarlets …. DAD.

Their Hero ❤️


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Not My Problem


I learnt this from my boxing coach Mr Filipo Sana.

I forgot my wraps Filipo’ ‘not my problem Suz, I taught you to come prepared’

I can’t run in these boxing boots and I haven’t brought my sneakers Filipo’ ‘not my problem Suz, I taught you to come prepared, don’t make your problem my problem, I’m not owning that’.

We take on other peoples problems, in work and life unnecessarily:

  • Our kids
  • Our work mates
  • Our friends
  • Our jobs, especially as a supervisor or boss, people like to offload responsibility, its easier than fixing the problem themselves

Its frustrating when we have given the plan or the tools to succeed already. Like at staff training or family rules. So I will use this now not my problem you sort it out at home and work. I guess its human nature, easier to pass the problem on… try to make it some one else’s. If this happens; mirror image that problem right back at them… reflect. It could be the grenade theory, say not my problem.

If the kids aren’t prepared for the cross country at school, haven’t bothered to find their sneakers and gear until the morning, last minute before school its not your problem mum. So let them face the consequences of running in bare feet, let them feel the ripple effect of how being under-prepared affects them and those around them. Poor performance running, prickles and cold feet. Less house points for their team in school sports for poor performance. Hopefully they’ll be more prepared next time. The Johnson kids understand that every decision in life they make has a consequence and a ripple effect. More adults need to take this on board. Be responsible for your own shit!

A good parent an effective manager and supervisor gives the team the tools to do a good job and the respect to trust they will, the training, the inductions, the manuals, the resources and the communication. But a good manager doesn’t do other peoples jobs for them. They also don’t own others slack behaviors or responsibility and job avoidance. Use the mirror and grenade theory, chuck it back, leave them to deal with it not my problem its your job, you sort it, accept the consequences and ripple effects.


Suz x


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OK blokes, Crazy Mummas gunna help you out! They say don’t try to understand us, just love us… but sometimes it’s just not enough… so…

Its all in the tone, take your ques from the TONE of her voice.

If a woman says ‘do what you want’ or ‘I’m FINE’ angrily or during a heated discussion. Don’t under any circumstances DO WHAT YOU WANT and SHE AIN’T FINE.

  • Stand Still.
  • Don’t move.
  • Try not to even blink, let alone sniff or lick you lips.
  • Breathe quietly and slow, actually don’t breathe.
  • Be still and look sad for your own safety.

Once she looks a bit calmer try to defuse the situation… she can blow again so tread carefully.

  • DON’T SAY calm down! That will cause her to blow… BOOM
  • DON’T SAY chill out! Saying these words in the worlds history of arguments has ever made her chill out NO she’ll blow up way worse BOOOOM

And you getting tourettesy and swearing at her, also not helpful. You’ll have a Hiroshima size blow up on your hands.

Start with… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I can tell I’ve hurt your feelings and that’s the last thing I want to do. I don’t want to fight with you… wait… just wait, she should self calm.

If nice stuff doesn’t work, throw chocolate at her feet and retreat like the American Troops retreated in Vietnam, she and you made need SPACE and time. Some battles you both can’t win, at times you just have to agree to disagree and compromise (such a grown up word that). It still means you are THE MAN, a clever man just making life easier for yourself. Pick your battles; some shit is not worth the fuss. Remember doing little jobs like hanging out washing, helping kids do homework, cooking tea will make her so much more agreeable when you want to do stuff… to her… with her… and with mates!

It’s 50/50

Love Suz xox

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Mothers Day

Hey its Suzie Johnson here…


Mums are pretty special people. You have no idea what a mother goes through until you become one yourself.

Mums still love you even after they had you and you made them sleep deprived, worry, poor, their boobs saggy, tummy stretch marked and bum hemorrhoidal.

Mums don’t have to be biological, I have five babies, ones adopted; I tell her she didn’t grow under my heart she grew in it. I got to pick her, so she’s my present!!! I love her as I love them all.

Mums need to be told often they are loved and cherished because they aren’t always going to be here. One day there will come a day you wish you told her you loved her more. So text her, phone her, visit her TELL HER OFTEN.

I have a few second mums, not biologically attached, but caring woman that have taken me under their wings and loved unconditionally through the years, so I thank them too. It takes a community of women to raise children, Mums and grandmas, second mums, adoptive mums, surrogate mums. A big posy of caring women with a wealth of knowledge, they have intuition and lead by example.

So all you fab mums out there; eat the cake and buy the shoes. Remember life is short, look at all those ladies on the titanic that waved off the desert trolley because they were watching their weight and didn’t eat the cake. Don’t make that mistake.

Mums try hard, struggle and give everything to make sure our kids feel happy and loved. Eat the cake and drink up, especially all you single mums, you are bloody legends.


Love you Mums, YOU ROCK!

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The Password by Suzie Johnson

I’ve been having a talk with my children on kids safety and stranger danger.

Give your kids a password, it could someday save their life. Tell your kids, if someone tries to pick you up or asks you to go in their car or says come with me, ask them for the password word. If they don’t know the password, say NO and run…

Check out me and the kids in my video blog

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Fear and Excuses

I was 93kg back in December;

My exercise was running a lamp post and walking a lamp post.  I was out of breath and hating every minute, embarrassed and in fear of people judging me. They would honk their horn, and yell when they saw me thundering along, gasping for air and uncoordinated!!! Trying to make excuses in my brain of why I should STOP! In the end, I couldn’t handle the shame and feeling discouraged. Then I thought FUCK IT… FUCK THEM! Who cares what they think! this is actually about ME not THEM. I’m lapping everyone on the couch.  I’m trying, I’m doing it, I have my legs and they feel like jelly, but they are running. Fuck what everyone else thinks.

I signed up for a charity boxing match and after a few months of tears, hard exercise, training and dropping 18kg from clean eating and exercise. I was thinking about what stops us from moving forward in life and reaching our full potential. What holds us back? It’s easier to stay in the now, not grow; it’s familiar and can just be a habit. It’s easier to make excuses, complain and not move. Guess what MOTIVATION IS THE NEW ACCESSORY. We all like easy, it’s our comfortable place, its FEAR, its being SCARED, its fear of failing that stops us, fear of being laughed at and not being good enough. Fear of judgement, fear of what people say, fear of pain, fear of effort. Feel the fear and do it anyway, what do you have to lose?

You can’t grow and be the best version of yourself staying normal or not pushing yourself!

You don’t know how awesome things are or how awesome you can be if you don’t try new things. Difficult challenging things… like… mine is BOXING. For you it could be a university paper, a course etc. When you conquer your fear you discover a new confidence and self-esteem. The best bit is you meet new like-minded people like I have. The red team my ROCKS!

INSPIRE others before you EXPIRE, by leading by example. In other words, no regrets, no what if’s. Don’t let fear stop you, life is for LIVING, gain strength from that.


Where my focus goes my energy flows!


This is a cut out and stuck on my computer.

So if I concentrate on the negative, people or gossip or situations that’s where all my energy will go, in circles and down the drain. Talk to yourself positively in your head; I concentrate on the positive, which is a new thing. Conquering the fear with a task, project, person and that’s where my energy will flow on the positive. To overcome fear one needs to stop complaining, wingers are annoying.

  • Take the fear by the balls
  • Stare it out
  • Accept the obstacles
  • Make the goal
  • Create a plan
  • Get resourceful
  • Execute the plan (2 planes if you have too, plan A if that fails you got plan B)

Then be super stoked, puffy chested proud of yourself and enjoy the new found confidence once the goal is completed. Plan to conquer the next goal, feel the fear and do it anyway. We all worry too much about what others think of us. As long as YOU like YOU, earn your OWN respect for yourself, by believing, and achieving.

Who cares what others think of us, it is their business, leave it with them. The people that really know you well, love you and you respect are the ones you value their opinion and they only want the best for you. Don’t let other people’s flippant opinions hinder you reaching your full potential.

No more fear and excuses… why be ordinary when you can be extraordinary.

Love Suz x

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Taking one for the Team

Sometimes you just gotta take one for the team, (put out, action, jiggy jiggy) with your husband, to get shit done around home or to keep them non grumpy, whistling, upbeat and positive. Trust me I KNOW!

So turn the telly off, get out of your trackies and t-shirt, shower, pop on a fancy bra and undies set, preferably matching. Chuck on some lippy, bit of perfume and lure… get your sexy on, lol.

I find it helps to also get what you want, things go more in your favor with a lot less effort. Lawns get done more often, dinner gets cooked, dishes get done, kids get babysat. Say you are having a girls night out, he’ll say yeah go for it, have fun.

Initiate and make the effort, because from my experience, he ALWAYS feels like it. Guaranteed that half an hour of adult play will make him 20 times more productive round home, less grouchy too.

But do remember no MEANS NO. Don’t scare him or her, its got to be consensual. Even at work if he’s grumpy, my team will joke with me and tell me to ‘take one for the team’. Then the next day they have a happier much more productive CEO… good luck peeps. Oh and the CEO is my husband, it’s OK!

If you want the house painted, wall papered, dinner cooked, yard sorted, do ‘IT’ more often. Take one for the team! Check out my video, by clicking here.


Suz x

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The Look

Husband training 101…you know that feeling when you want to leave a party, but your husband or partner doesn’t. He’s having roadie after roadie and won’t make eye contact with you, that was us on Saturday night. Its because we all as partners have the looks we give them.

I have a few different looks:

  1. The really look! Did you just say that! Mouth to one side, eye brow up, big eyes, double chin, head pulled back.
  2. You are in trouble when we get home look! Eyes squinted, evil stink eye stare, the no head shake.
  3. Pick it up, don’t leave it there for me to pick up look! Head shake, eye squint, mouth clench.
  4. You’re a dick look! A subtle eye roll, eyebrow droop.
  5. WTF look! Eyes bigger, hand palm up and head shake.
  6. I want to leave now look! Eye dart, head side nod.
  7. Did you really just give the kids that look! Show upper teeth, shake head for no, combined with a WTF look is quite a powerful one.
  8. OMG did you just say that look! Eyes bulging wide, eyebrows up.

I’ve been in my relationship 18 years, so my husband knows me and my looks well. If you are with your man, get teaching him the signs. It makes a relationship so much more harmonious. Without even having to open your mouth!

Need some help with your look! Check out my helpful video here.


Love Suz xox


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Travelling for Work

Travelling for work makes me feel unhinged at time, people keep telling me I’m LUCKY getting to travel with work. Its not luck, I think I’m lucky to get to come home.

I’ve just been to China, buying fabric from massive crazy fabric markets, with a few million other humans, that were all trying to do the same thing. Hustle, bustle, the people, bikes, cars, its like the A & P show amusement rides area on steroids and red-bulls. Noise, always noise, yelling, horns, cars, trucks and chatter. I start to feel a little unhinged and mental by about the fifth day of work.

The language barrier!!! The spitting everywhere. I feel like I’m on an episode of TV’s fear factor food eating. Menu’s not in English, so I guess what I’m eating, pointing at a picture that looks like the color of chicken. Must be chicken, ahhh no, to discover later its frog (by making various animal noises to the waiter). I thought I’d relax with a nice Chinese massage after a 20 hour plane journey. I’m left with bruises, can’t wear my handbag or lean against the back of a chair. Bruises galore, a Chinese massage is basically “getting a hiding” with the nice title of “massage”.

Pooing in stand on toilets and my aim ain’t to flash… missing! Handling the taxi drivers which fancy themselves as racing car drivers like Shumacher. The constant feeling of going to be ripped off as I’ve had my handbag stolen in China before. So always on edge and aware. It makes me feel a bit mental, manic, unhinged, the chaos, everyone on their own mission. The eating alone and missing my family. There’s no time to chill because there’s people EVERYWHERE and work to do in a short time.

I’m a talker as Oprah said “she’s a talking child” I love to talk, so I get lonely travelling alone. If there’s a language barrier, I always wonder if that’s how the deaf feel… lonely in a world full of people moving around them, but not understanding what they are saying. So I guess I sound like that fella on that TV program… an idiot abroad (name I can’t remember) and ungrateful. After all its work 8am till 8pm. I’ve never seen the great wall. I’m grateful that I’ve created a work life for myself to be free and independent to travel as a woman. I am grateful I have the confidence to do so and trust my instincts to take care of myself when I travel.

It makes me appreciate my own friendly country of New Zealand. It makes me appreciate and feel grateful our pollution free air, I get headaches in China’s industrial city. I feel grateful when I’m away to be able to go home to my own bed and fridge of familiar food, hug my kids, see my friends and animals.

So I am not lucky to travel, lucky is winning lotto. I’m not complaining, I’m grateful for the opportunities as a Kiwi woman to be self employed and travel. But am more grateful to get to go home.

I guess that old saying, home is where the heart is, resonates with me being away from home. Makes me appreciate experiences I get, but really appreciate the simple things like blue sky, fresh fruit, how good I have it at home in New Zealand.

Check out my videos, to get a feel for what its like in China, click here and here.



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No Action Tonight by Suzie Johnson

You can all relate to this… we all have that I don’t want any action tonight position in bed… aye!

He asks “whats wrong” you’re still angry “nothing” when that’s a lie and you could list ten things wrong. They piss you off, then come to bed as if nothing has happened. They dive into bed thinking it all on like donkey kong.

But I am armed with my all in one zipped in fleecy PJ’s… THE ONEZIE… men hate this invention, the giant stretch’n’grow. My position for no action is on my side, legs up in the fetal position, back to him, hands across heart.

All us girls have a position in bed to keep them at bay… whats yours? I asked my bestie her position in bed to keep her hubby at bay. Her’s is on her tummy, arms tucked in, PJ’d up. My other friend (who has asked to remain nameless LOL). PJ’s on, holds onto her own boobs securely, elbows down, back to him, legs stuck hard together, on her side. We all do it.

Funny how as a woman action is an emotional thing for us, it has to be a connection, with no conflict or being pissed off. For men its more of a physical release, up for it anytime. Its hard in a relationship, living and working together. But you make it work with communication, as they don’t always understand our body language ques.


My poor husband, nothing is sacred in our house, lucky he has broad shoulders! Watch my video here.


Suz xox

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Relationship Advice

Ways to help you physically and mentally when your husband pisses you off…

I was away on a buying trip for For Frocks Sake our imported shop and went five grand over budget. I didn’t mean too… honestly I didn’t. He went off at me, feral, growling me, angry as. I was in the wrong, but I brought such cool clothes!

What I find helps when your husband makes you angry is doing the fingers vigorously (not to his face or any where he can see of course). If he’s in another room I’ll step behind the wall and for about a minute wave my arms and hands around, flipping the bird, doing fingers, jumping around, waving legs, bending knees, pulling faces, lip syncing obscenities. It uses a lot of pent up anger. Its like a work out for arms and hands. Its quite funny because they are in the other room and non the wiser… it makes you feel a whole lot better. Kinda like screaming, but its quiet.  

Its a tool you can use anywhere eg in a public toilet, while they wait for you outside. In the shower while they lie in bed lazily. In the kitchen while you cook dinner and they are in the lounge watching TV. This is about you releasing a bit of tension and anger towards them, instant gratification, a wee work out, no yelling needed!!! Makes a much calmer house. Share it with your girlfriends if you think it may help their relationship too. Much cheaper than counselling.

Happy times flipping the bird (naughty finger) behind walls. Wanna see the technique in action click here to check it out.



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