Suzie Johnson

Suzie Johnson fills your soul with raw uncensored honest comments on life's struggles. WARNING Full of juicy bits and opinions that may challenge the way you think about life!

Not My Problem


I learnt this from my boxing coach Mr Filipo Sana.

I forgot my wraps Filipo’ ‘not my problem Suz, I taught you to come prepared’

I can’t run in these boxing boots and I haven’t brought my sneakers Filipo’ ‘not my problem Suz, I taught you to come prepared, don’t make your problem my problem, I’m not owning that’.

We take on other peoples problems, in work and life unnecessarily:

  • Our kids
  • Our work mates
  • Our friends
  • Our jobs, especially as a supervisor or boss, people like to offload responsibility, its easier than fixing the problem themselves

Its frustrating when we have given the plan or the tools to succeed already. Like at staff training or family rules. So I will use this now not my problem you sort it out at home and work. I guess its human nature, easier to pass the problem on… try to make it some one else’s. If this happens; mirror image that problem right back at them… reflect. It could be the grenade theory, say not my problem.

If the kids aren’t prepared for the cross country at school, haven’t bothered to find their sneakers and gear until the morning, last minute before school its not your problem mum. So let them face the consequences of running in bare feet, let them feel the ripple effect of how being under-prepared affects them and those around them. Poor performance running, prickles and cold feet. Less house points for their team in school sports for poor performance. Hopefully they’ll be more prepared next time. The Johnson kids understand that every decision in life they make has a consequence and a ripple effect. More adults need to take this on board. Be responsible for your own shit!

A good parent an effective manager and supervisor gives the team the tools to do a good job and the respect to trust they will, the training, the inductions, the manuals, the resources and the communication. But a good manager doesn’t do other peoples jobs for them. They also don’t own others slack behaviors or responsibility and job avoidance. Use the mirror and grenade theory, chuck it back, leave them to deal with it not my problem its your job, you sort it, accept the consequences and ripple effects.


Suz x


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OK blokes, Crazy Mummas gunna help you out! They say don’t try to understand us, just love us… but sometimes it’s just not enough… so…

Its all in the tone, take your ques from the TONE of her voice.

If a woman says ‘do what you want’ or ‘I’m FINE’ angrily or during a heated discussion. Don’t under any circumstances DO WHAT YOU WANT and SHE AIN’T FINE.

  • Stand Still.
  • Don’t move.
  • Try not to even blink, let alone sniff or lick you lips.
  • Breathe quietly and slow, actually don’t breathe.
  • Be still and look sad for your own safety.

Once she looks a bit calmer try to defuse the situation… she can blow again so tread carefully.

  • DON’T SAY calm down! That will cause her to blow… BOOM
  • DON’T SAY chill out! Saying these words in the worlds history of arguments has ever made her chill out NO she’ll blow up way worse BOOOOM

And you getting tourettesy and swearing at her, also not helpful. You’ll have a Hiroshima size blow up on your hands.

Start with… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I can tell I’ve hurt your feelings and that’s the last thing I want to do. I don’t want to fight with you… wait… just wait, she should self calm.

If nice stuff doesn’t work, throw chocolate at her feet and retreat like the American Troops retreated in Vietnam, she and you made need SPACE and time. Some battles you both can’t win, at times you just have to agree to disagree and compromise (such a grown up word that). It still means you are THE MAN, a clever man just making life easier for yourself. Pick your battles; some shit is not worth the fuss. Remember doing little jobs like hanging out washing, helping kids do homework, cooking tea will make her so much more agreeable when you want to do stuff… to her… with her… and with mates!

It’s 50/50

Love Suz xox

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Mothers Day

Hey its Suzie Johnson here…


Mums are pretty special people. You have no idea what a mother goes through until you become one yourself.

Mums still love you even after they had you and you made them sleep deprived, worry, poor, their boobs saggy, tummy stretch marked and bum hemorrhoidal.

Mums don’t have to be biological, I have five babies, ones adopted; I tell her she didn’t grow under my heart she grew in it. I got to pick her, so she’s my present!!! I love her as I love them all.

Mums need to be told often they are loved and cherished because they aren’t always going to be here. One day there will come a day you wish you told her you loved her more. So text her, phone her, visit her TELL HER OFTEN.

I have a few second mums, not biologically attached, but caring woman that have taken me under their wings and loved unconditionally through the years, so I thank them too. It takes a community of women to raise children, Mums and grandmas, second mums, adoptive mums, surrogate mums. A big posy of caring women with a wealth of knowledge, they have intuition and lead by example.

So all you fab mums out there; eat the cake and buy the shoes. Remember life is short, look at all those ladies on the titanic that waved off the desert trolley because they were watching their weight and didn’t eat the cake. Don’t make that mistake.

Mums try hard, struggle and give everything to make sure our kids feel happy and loved. Eat the cake and drink up, especially all you single mums, you are bloody legends.


Love you Mums, YOU ROCK!

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The Password by Suzie Johnson

I’ve been having a talk with my children on kids safety and stranger danger.

Give your kids a password, it could someday save their life. Tell your kids, if someone tries to pick you up or asks you to go in their car or says come with me, ask them for the password word. If they don’t know the password, say NO and run…

Check out me and the kids in my video blog

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Fear and Excuses

I was 93kg back in December;

My exercise was running a lamp post and walking a lamp post.  I was out of breath and hating every minute, embarrassed and in fear of people judging me. They would honk their horn, and yell when they saw me thundering along, gasping for air and uncoordinated!!! Trying to make excuses in my brain of why I should STOP! In the end, I couldn’t handle the shame and feeling discouraged. Then I thought FUCK IT… FUCK THEM! Who cares what they think! this is actually about ME not THEM. I’m lapping everyone on the couch.  I’m trying, I’m doing it, I have my legs and they feel like jelly, but they are running. Fuck what everyone else thinks.

I signed up for a charity boxing match and after a few months of tears, hard exercise, training and dropping 18kg from clean eating and exercise. I was thinking about what stops us from moving forward in life and reaching our full potential. What holds us back? It’s easier to stay in the now, not grow; it’s familiar and can just be a habit. It’s easier to make excuses, complain and not move. Guess what MOTIVATION IS THE NEW ACCESSORY. We all like easy, it’s our comfortable place, its FEAR, its being SCARED, its fear of failing that stops us, fear of being laughed at and not being good enough. Fear of judgement, fear of what people say, fear of pain, fear of effort. Feel the fear and do it anyway, what do you have to lose?

You can’t grow and be the best version of yourself staying normal or not pushing yourself!

You don’t know how awesome things are or how awesome you can be if you don’t try new things. Difficult challenging things… like… mine is BOXING. For you it could be a university paper, a course etc. When you conquer your fear you discover a new confidence and self-esteem. The best bit is you meet new like-minded people like I have. The red team my ROCKS!

INSPIRE others before you EXPIRE, by leading by example. In other words, no regrets, no what if’s. Don’t let fear stop you, life is for LIVING, gain strength from that.


Where my focus goes my energy flows!


This is a cut out and stuck on my computer.

So if I concentrate on the negative, people or gossip or situations that’s where all my energy will go, in circles and down the drain. Talk to yourself positively in your head; I concentrate on the positive, which is a new thing. Conquering the fear with a task, project, person and that’s where my energy will flow on the positive. To overcome fear one needs to stop complaining, wingers are annoying.

  • Take the fear by the balls
  • Stare it out
  • Accept the obstacles
  • Make the goal
  • Create a plan
  • Get resourceful
  • Execute the plan (2 planes if you have too, plan A if that fails you got plan B)

Then be super stoked, puffy chested proud of yourself and enjoy the new found confidence once the goal is completed. Plan to conquer the next goal, feel the fear and do it anyway. We all worry too much about what others think of us. As long as YOU like YOU, earn your OWN respect for yourself, by believing, and achieving.

Who cares what others think of us, it is their business, leave it with them. The people that really know you well, love you and you respect are the ones you value their opinion and they only want the best for you. Don’t let other people’s flippant opinions hinder you reaching your full potential.

No more fear and excuses… why be ordinary when you can be extraordinary.

Love Suz x

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Taking one for the Team

Sometimes you just gotta take one for the team, (put out, action, jiggy jiggy) with your husband, to get shit done around home or to keep them non grumpy, whistling, upbeat and positive. Trust me I KNOW!

So turn the telly off, get out of your trackies and t-shirt, shower, pop on a fancy bra and undies set, preferably matching. Chuck on some lippy, bit of perfume and lure… get your sexy on, lol.

I find it helps to also get what you want, things go more in your favor with a lot less effort. Lawns get done more often, dinner gets cooked, dishes get done, kids get babysat. Say you are having a girls night out, he’ll say yeah go for it, have fun.

Initiate and make the effort, because from my experience, he ALWAYS feels like it. Guaranteed that half an hour of adult play will make him 20 times more productive round home, less grouchy too.

But do remember no MEANS NO. Don’t scare him or her, its got to be consensual. Even at work if he’s grumpy, my team will joke with me and tell me to ‘take one for the team’. Then the next day they have a happier much more productive CEO… good luck peeps. Oh and the CEO is my husband, it’s OK!

If you want the house painted, wall papered, dinner cooked, yard sorted, do ‘IT’ more often. Take one for the team! Check out my video, by clicking here.


Suz x

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The Look

Husband training 101…you know that feeling when you want to leave a party, but your husband or partner doesn’t. He’s having roadie after roadie and won’t make eye contact with you, that was us on Saturday night. Its because we all as partners have the looks we give them.

I have a few different looks:

  1. The really look! Did you just say that! Mouth to one side, eye brow up, big eyes, double chin, head pulled back.
  2. You are in trouble when we get home look! Eyes squinted, evil stink eye stare, the no head shake.
  3. Pick it up, don’t leave it there for me to pick up look! Head shake, eye squint, mouth clench.
  4. You’re a dick look! A subtle eye roll, eyebrow droop.
  5. WTF look! Eyes bigger, hand palm up and head shake.
  6. I want to leave now look! Eye dart, head side nod.
  7. Did you really just give the kids that look! Show upper teeth, shake head for no, combined with a WTF look is quite a powerful one.
  8. OMG did you just say that look! Eyes bulging wide, eyebrows up.

I’ve been in my relationship 18 years, so my husband knows me and my looks well. If you are with your man, get teaching him the signs. It makes a relationship so much more harmonious. Without even having to open your mouth!

Need some help with your look! Check out my helpful video here.


Love Suz xox


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Travelling for Work

Travelling for work makes me feel unhinged at time, people keep telling me I’m LUCKY getting to travel with work. Its not luck, I think I’m lucky to get to come home.

I’ve just been to China, buying fabric from massive crazy fabric markets, with a few million other humans, that were all trying to do the same thing. Hustle, bustle, the people, bikes, cars, its like the A & P show amusement rides area on steroids and red-bulls. Noise, always noise, yelling, horns, cars, trucks and chatter. I start to feel a little unhinged and mental by about the fifth day of work.

The language barrier!!! The spitting everywhere. I feel like I’m on an episode of TV’s fear factor food eating. Menu’s not in English, so I guess what I’m eating, pointing at a picture that looks like the color of chicken. Must be chicken, ahhh no, to discover later its frog (by making various animal noises to the waiter). I thought I’d relax with a nice Chinese massage after a 20 hour plane journey. I’m left with bruises, can’t wear my handbag or lean against the back of a chair. Bruises galore, a Chinese massage is basically “getting a hiding” with the nice title of “massage”.

Pooing in stand on toilets and my aim ain’t to flash… missing! Handling the taxi drivers which fancy themselves as racing car drivers like Shumacher. The constant feeling of going to be ripped off as I’ve had my handbag stolen in China before. So always on edge and aware. It makes me feel a bit mental, manic, unhinged, the chaos, everyone on their own mission. The eating alone and missing my family. There’s no time to chill because there’s people EVERYWHERE and work to do in a short time.

I’m a talker as Oprah said “she’s a talking child” I love to talk, so I get lonely travelling alone. If there’s a language barrier, I always wonder if that’s how the deaf feel… lonely in a world full of people moving around them, but not understanding what they are saying. So I guess I sound like that fella on that TV program… an idiot abroad (name I can’t remember) and ungrateful. After all its work 8am till 8pm. I’ve never seen the great wall. I’m grateful that I’ve created a work life for myself to be free and independent to travel as a woman. I am grateful I have the confidence to do so and trust my instincts to take care of myself when I travel.

It makes me appreciate my own friendly country of New Zealand. It makes me appreciate and feel grateful our pollution free air, I get headaches in China’s industrial city. I feel grateful when I’m away to be able to go home to my own bed and fridge of familiar food, hug my kids, see my friends and animals.

So I am not lucky to travel, lucky is winning lotto. I’m not complaining, I’m grateful for the opportunities as a Kiwi woman to be self employed and travel. But am more grateful to get to go home.

I guess that old saying, home is where the heart is, resonates with me being away from home. Makes me appreciate experiences I get, but really appreciate the simple things like blue sky, fresh fruit, how good I have it at home in New Zealand.

Check out my videos, to get a feel for what its like in China, click here and here.



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No Action Tonight by Suzie Johnson

You can all relate to this… we all have that I don’t want any action tonight position in bed… aye!

He asks “whats wrong” you’re still angry “nothing” when that’s a lie and you could list ten things wrong. They piss you off, then come to bed as if nothing has happened. They dive into bed thinking it all on like donkey kong.

But I am armed with my all in one zipped in fleecy PJ’s… THE ONEZIE… men hate this invention, the giant stretch’n’grow. My position for no action is on my side, legs up in the fetal position, back to him, hands across heart.

All us girls have a position in bed to keep them at bay… whats yours? I asked my bestie her position in bed to keep her hubby at bay. Her’s is on her tummy, arms tucked in, PJ’d up. My other friend (who has asked to remain nameless LOL). PJ’s on, holds onto her own boobs securely, elbows down, back to him, legs stuck hard together, on her side. We all do it.

Funny how as a woman action is an emotional thing for us, it has to be a connection, with no conflict or being pissed off. For men its more of a physical release, up for it anytime. Its hard in a relationship, living and working together. But you make it work with communication, as they don’t always understand our body language ques.


My poor husband, nothing is sacred in our house, lucky he has broad shoulders! Watch my video here.


Suz xox

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Relationship Advice

Ways to help you physically and mentally when your husband pisses you off…

I was away on a buying trip for For Frocks Sake our imported shop and went five grand over budget. I didn’t mean too… honestly I didn’t. He went off at me, feral, growling me, angry as. I was in the wrong, but I brought such cool clothes!

What I find helps when your husband makes you angry is doing the fingers vigorously (not to his face or any where he can see of course). If he’s in another room I’ll step behind the wall and for about a minute wave my arms and hands around, flipping the bird, doing fingers, jumping around, waving legs, bending knees, pulling faces, lip syncing obscenities. It uses a lot of pent up anger. Its like a work out for arms and hands. Its quite funny because they are in the other room and non the wiser… it makes you feel a whole lot better. Kinda like screaming, but its quiet.  

Its a tool you can use anywhere eg in a public toilet, while they wait for you outside. In the shower while they lie in bed lazily. In the kitchen while you cook dinner and they are in the lounge watching TV. This is about you releasing a bit of tension and anger towards them, instant gratification, a wee work out, no yelling needed!!! Makes a much calmer house. Share it with your girlfriends if you think it may help their relationship too. Much cheaper than counselling.

Happy times flipping the bird (naughty finger) behind walls. Wanna see the technique in action click here to check it out.



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