Husbands… “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them and we can’t kill them” my grandmother Pam used to say.
Working on a relationship with your partner is a job in itself. You can’t stay the same for twenty years in a job, so best you don’t stay the same and stagnate in your relationship. We are a product of our upbringing. We tend to take a lot of that baggage into our adult lives and without realising, it affects:
- how we treat others
- how we cope
- relate to others
Everyone talks about how amazing their partners are on social media. Pictures, cute quotes etc Yes I love my husband, its just sometimes I want to headbutt him.
We have to say sorry when we don’t want too. Share food, money, work, family and friends, problems and parenting, be answerable to someone else, all this combined creates stress and constant tiredness. Then your sex life goes out the window and you aren’t as connected, it can feel like flatmates and cause resentment.
Putting someone else first takes practice and patience. Communication and time is the key. Doing little things for each other, like making them breakie when you make yours. A hug as you go past, a cup of tea, text them a boob pic! (don’t accidentally send it to the wrong person) lol, then delete. Sending them out with mates for a blokes game of golf or to watch rugby or just to have a drink at the pub or a weekend away. Boys need boy time, the comrardery.
You can’t get 100% from one person, that’s why you need your girlfriends or other mates!!! So plan time with yours too. You give him a weekend out, so you are owed one too. Appreciating your spouse and telling them you appreciate what they do for you, is half your battle won. Noticing, commenting and being grateful, not expecting it’s just the norm. Laughing and date nights.
There is ALWAYS going to be stress in a relationship… in life… Its how you learn to deal with your stress that matters. Learn stress coping skills? Exercise, books, talking, meditation, because just getting angry doesn’t help anyone. Sometimes you have to explain to your partner, you get “angry” because it a bi-product of feeling “hurt” or “stressed”. Its a survival or protective mechanism. Try using “I feel……..” instead of “You are a……..”. Partners get defensive if you direct comments at, or about them during a discussion. Tell your partner how their actions make “You feel……..”. Feel your emotion and nurture yourself, be kind to yourself.
This is one of my favorite quotes: When you can’t control whats happening. Challenge yourself to control they way you respond to whats happening “that is where your power is!”
And lastly pick your battles, is it really worth getting passionate or stroppy and wild about. It will take a lot of your time and energy. Don’t sweat the small stuff…