Marriage is a walk in the park… Jurassic Park! “I made you four pieces of toast with avocado on them to take into the car” (a non bruised avocado, you know the perfect fleshed ones, plus salt and pepper on healthy Soy and Linseed brown bread) “Do you not want them?” I held the plate up to him as we drove down the road willing him to consume. “NO” he snarled “I’m too angry!” (he was angry because he took ages to pack the car, I said he should have done it the night before). So I said “sweet” I opened the window of the car and dramatically threw with great force, each piece out the window. I wanted to biff the whole plate, but I thought FUCK IT, I’m so uncoordinated at throwing, I’ll probably dent the car or smash a window. I also wanted to do the fingers at him furiously whilst yelling F and C words. Obscenities any tourettesy person would be proud of… then punch him in the temple.
BUT… I’d made my point. I kept the punch in the face, curse words and the finger in my imagination. I didn’t talk for three hours in the car. That’s a mission in itself for me. Marriage is like a walk in the park…Jurassic Park.
Some days I think I couldn’t live without him. Then others times especially at night when he snores I feel the jury of wives would understand why I’d finally cracked, why I lost my shit and suffocated him, sleep deprivation does that to a person. I can see the jury of woman now… NOT GUILTY, nodding their heads looking sympathetic.
Don’t get me wrong, I do love my husband Kiwi, but it can be frustrating living and working together so closely. He is an internaliser, so when he’s stressed or worried he doesn’t communicate. He nuts it out himself, I’m the opposite.
I’m dramatic he’s not
I’m loud he’s quiet
I’m a talker he’s not
I like center of attention he likes behind the scenes
He’s sensible I’m not
He’s a planner I’m not… spreadsheets are his friend!
Its amazing how the universe and our subconscious puts us with the opposite of ourselves. Our counselor said: I’m a wave, he’s an island. I like to think of myself as more of a Tsunami. He stands alone, I need someone else for reassurance and keep reaching out. I wash over the island. Due to our different upbringings. He is my rock, drives me nuts at times, but I always feel safe and loved. He cooks better than me and tries hard to be calming and reassuring when my brain is full and chaotic. He’s not afraid of hard work and puts others need before his own.So I couldn’t imagine my life without him, a caring soul who’s a very loyal friend and loving attentive father. He likes the simple things like rugby, auctions, fishing and a roast or seafood. He’s not materialistic, happy in jandals having a quiet beer. I can’t change him and don’t want to. I just will encourage him to talk more. So ladies although we get driven demented by our husbands at times, do appreciate the things they try to do for us. Tell them, most show their love by doing things for us. Acts of service (read the love language book).
Say thank you for being a good provider. You and I need to remember to thank them eg for cooking or tell them the lawns look great. Or for taking the kids out so you get a break. Encourage a boys weekend away for comradery. Kiwi’s off fishing in Ngawi tomorrow. Guess its fish and chips for dinner, for me and the kids. Communication, compromise, appreciation is the key I believe. Keep it real and be able to laugh. I will still make him avocado on toast, but I probably won’t say anything but “bon appetite” when I hand it over.
Go kiss your husbands girls. Not too long though, he’ll think you want a shag.