I’m a food addict, I’m either really good, or really bad, I think about food all the time. Every night I go to bed thinking I’ll eat better and exercise tomorrow. Then I go well until there’s a shared lunch, like on Wednesday at work I hoovered, or at 3pm I eat all I can find. I get excited emotionally when I see yummy food, it’s crazy lol

Will power is O.% OR 100%, no happy medium. I binge eat all or nothing with this chick. Then I hate myself for it, torture myself. That’s that self-sabotage negative voice in my head, it’s a vicious cycle. If there’s nothing nice to eat I’ll make muffins or bickies, then eat half the mixture. I’ll down cake or chocolate or lollies in the car, sneaky. Eat till I feel so full, I feel sick.

Kiwi pissed me off, he’s gone away on a boy’s trip for five days, I’ve got a speaking engagement at the army camp to prep and six kids at home, loads of shit to get done. So I made a batch of just add water instant date scones and ate seven last night with thick butter at 9 pm!!! WTF… Yup then I slept like shit and feel yuck this morning.

I’m putting back on the weight I lost boxing and It’s frustrating as, I have lost the motivation to train. My tone is disappearing and I’m gutted as it was sooo hard to lose it and gain muscle. I like curves but love feeling fit. I’ve done nothing for a week but work and eat like a savage, makes you gassy and bloated.

I was in China buying fabric then Australia and am making “I have no time excuses” again. Food is medicine, I feel like shit. It’s hard to get up and my brain is foggy. I’m grumpier and have a shorter wick with the kids, it’s way bigger than just looking trim. It’s that feeling of self-control , not craving sugar and carbs and feeling strong mentally and physically unstoppable.

I went back to see my nutrition/trainer Sue at Gravitate in Palmy this week and got a meal plan, did measurements and I will get her to make me accountable. She is a no-nonsense motivator, we all need support and help at times. She’s sorting me a training schedule and I’ll take my own advice.

  • Get up early
  • Make time for me
  • Stop watching tv, that creates time at night
  • Yup it’s cold out, put on a jacket and walk/run
  • Get to the gym

Sue will help me to help myself.

  • It all comes down to me
  • I’m responsible for me
  • She can’t do it for me
  • She can help me with the tools I need
  • I must do it for my wellbeing

It’s the struggle that gives us strength. I’ll re read the woman’s wellness book by Dr Libby weaver, it has to be a life style change. No excuses crazy mama, today is another day. I’ll get up, sort the kids, show up to Lees blast class at city fitness, try my best to keep on track. We all fuck up as long as I learn and try again the next day. I’m telling you because I know there’s others like me and we can support each other. Making myself accountable publicly gets my arse up and out the door. Like the boxing public fight I did, nothing like the thought of a hiding in public to make you train.🥊 I’m doing half marathon 2nd December, I fuckin hate running but needed a goal.😩 So each week I’ll let you know what I’m doing. Each day PUSH PLAY, I hope to motivate you too. Some people look like they so have their life together and don’t always!

Keeping it real, raw, relatable and honest. To many fake PC people on social media, they make us feel shit because they seem so together and perfect. You never know what goes on behind closed doors, some are great at keeping up appearances. I always think it could be worse, I could be addicted to heroin, but you don’t need heroin to survive like you need custard squares and RJs liquorice lol. At some time you just gotta shake yourself and say get a grip woman and take back your control!

You guys rock, love sharing with you, it’s healing. I’m ready to carve it up at the Gym in a group session, then get home to work. Have a fab day, I am stoaked I made it to the gym, positive little steps in the right direction.

Suz xxx


P.s Kiwi deserves a break, he works fricken hard, I’m over it now, texted him safe travels ❤️