Suzie Johnson



House work makes you ugly!
Don’t do too much.

My OCD mates won’t cope.
Watch it at ya own risk lol CLICK HERE


Suz x

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I’m Not Going to Tell you How to Parent

I’m not guna tell you how to parent in my Parenting Show. Take what you need from me talking about every aspect of parenting. I grew up in the 70s, in an era where quality time with dad was a trip to the dump, TAB and filling flagons at the Onekawa.

I discus my 5 kids and others, different ages. Eating a packet of blue tack, kids chatting to you on the loo while you poo or wee. Danger shags, putting the Wiggles video on so you get 15 mins away from Toddler eyes. Feeding, sleeping, socialising, risk taking, creative horse shit picking up discipline, through the years.

Fanny prolapse, incontinence laughs, pygmy boobs, losing it, the looks, relationships, everything. Stories, scenarios, raw relate-able real! I’m a BAD arse mum, not a snob mob mum.

I can do a fundraiser talk for your school or organisation, email me at


Suz …

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Does your child talk ALOT?

I talk a lot… a lot! Always have, Oprah said “I was a talkin child”. My brain fires stuff at me constantly that is random and feels urgent. Then it says to me internally “quick you have to say it before you forget it”. My brain often doesn’t give me time to organise my thoughts, find some tact and prioritise what I need to say. I have an over powering urge and a need to get it out, I don’t mean to be but can be tactless, which has got me in trouble a lot. At times I talk so fast, because I have a lot to say, in a small amount of time. I spray my words like a machine gun.

My school reports reflected that in a negative way every year “If she put as much time into her school work, as she does into socialising she would do extremely well”. I heard on the telly, on the news when I was last in Melbourne that apparently girls that talk a lot could be ADHD, makes sense. I control it better now, age plus experience helps. I can read a situation better, I’m older. I have trouble sleeping at times because my brain doesn’t like to switch off. I often listen to sleep meditation via YouTube in bed to get sleep. I have a pad by my bed so I can write things down to clear de-clutter my head, I have hundreds of books I write in. I really need to concentrate to be a good listener, close my mouth and open my ears, an art I’m trying to improve, especially as a mum. I need to merely listen and hug not always feel I need to help solve their problems for them.

If you have a chatty daughter put her into speech and drama, that’s positive. If you have a chatty kid don’t tell them to shut up. Be mindful, sit down occasionally look us in the eye and listen as we often have interesting things to say. Don’t just give low energy responses like, mmm, oh, wow, as we know you aren’t listening, it feels like you don’t care. Making talking a positive experience.

My brother used to say ” shuuuuut uuuuppp Suzie, no one wants to hear about your stupid horse”. Mum would let me talk about my horse for half an hour each night while she cooked tea. She always would say “Suzie… think before you speak”. I now talk for a living, public speaking in a bid to empower women including myself. My much younger sister by 16 years, always says I’m undiagnosed ADHD, a bit manic, ADHD was unheard of when I was growing up in the 70s, Mum just kept me busy. I kept myself busy organising the neighbourhood kids to make shows and play schools, of course I was always the teacher.

Let them talk, tell her broad casting school in Wellington is a great option, with all that talk she could be on the radio or tv or in politics one day. I will… “She believed she could, so she did” with my rock a very patient, tolerant husband by my side, “he believes I can, so I do!”

Suz x


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Watch What You Say to People

Did anyone see that bullying doco?

I said to my boys and their mate on the way to school “watch what you say to people especially girls”. Things you say may be a passing comment and you forget straight away, but that comment can say in the persons head for ever and really affect them. Then Fletch on the radio cemented what I had said, he said someone at school called him a mono brow, so he got his dads razor and shaved between his eyes, the full width of the razor!!! His mum nearly died when she saw what he had done and gave him tweezers for future use!

Words can hurt…

Too fat
Too skinny
Bung eye

Teach kids to have empathy to choose their words carefully. Teach them empathy and that there is a ripple effect for everything. Teach them to stick up for the little guy. Teach them bully’s suck, if you remind them enough hopefully it sinks in. I pull mine up regularly for comments to their siblings, remind and teach what is and isn’t acceptable.

Be kind as you don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s world.

Have a great day peeps!
Crazy mama x



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Speaking at Linton Military Camp

I received such a warm welcome from all the officers and their wives, when I was guest speaking at Linton Military Camp. Great conversation and food, I was treated so well, like a lady, chairs pulled out, the works. A beautiful seven course meal and fancy settings, it was like a wedding being seated at the top table. I kept my talk raw, real, relatable, you know me… UNPC… a bit of a laugh, but lots of heart. Everything from business to what I’ve learnt as a mum, a wife and an entrepreneur.

I could fit a lot of words into the 20 mins I had been allocated, I machine gun talked lol, sprayed my words 😊 Some men looked shell shocked as the women nodded away. I like to learn from any experience, tonight I learnt something from Jethro, he’s in the Air Force. We discussed behavior and actions, he teaches this at home to his kids and to his team at work.

The concept “Staying above the line!”


Own your decisions and actions, love this!

Crazy Mama Suz xxx

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I’m a food addict

I’m a food addict, I’m either really good, or really bad, I think about food all the time. Every night I go to bed thinking I’ll eat better and exercise tomorrow. Then I go well until there’s a shared lunch, like on Wednesday at work I hoovered, or at 3pm I eat all I can find. I get excited emotionally when I see yummy food, it’s crazy lol

Will power is O.% OR 100%, no happy medium. I binge eat all or nothing with this chick. Then I hate myself for it, torture myself. That’s that self-sabotage negative voice in my head, it’s a vicious cycle. If there’s nothing nice to eat I’ll make muffins or bickies, then eat half the mixture. I’ll down cake or chocolate or lollies in the car, sneaky. Eat till I feel so full, I feel sick.

Kiwi pissed me off, he’s gone away on a boy’s trip for five days, I’ve got a speaking engagement at the army camp to prep and six kids at home, loads of shit to get done. So I made a batch of just add water instant date scones and ate seven last night with thick butter at 9 pm!!! WTF… Yup then I slept like shit and feel yuck this morning.

I’m putting back on the weight I lost boxing and It’s frustrating as, I have lost the motivation to train. My tone is disappearing and I’m gutted as it was sooo hard to lose it and gain muscle. I like curves but love feeling fit. I’ve done nothing for a week but work and eat like a savage, makes you gassy and bloated.

I was in China buying fabric then Australia and am making “I have no time excuses” again. Food is medicine, I feel like shit. It’s hard to get up and my brain is foggy. I’m grumpier and have a shorter wick with the kids, it’s way bigger than just looking trim. It’s that feeling of self-control , not craving sugar and carbs and feeling strong mentally and physically unstoppable.

I went back to see my nutrition/trainer Sue at Gravitate in Palmy this week and got a meal plan, did measurements and I will get her to make me accountable. She is a no-nonsense motivator, we all need support and help at times. She’s sorting me a training schedule and I’ll take my own advice.

  • Get up early
  • Make time for me
  • Stop watching tv, that creates time at night
  • Yup it’s cold out, put on a jacket and walk/run
  • Get to the gym

Sue will help me to help myself.

  • It all comes down to me
  • I’m responsible for me
  • She can’t do it for me
  • She can help me with the tools I need
  • I must do it for my wellbeing

It’s the struggle that gives us strength. I’ll re read the woman’s wellness book by Dr Libby weaver, it has to be a life style change. No excuses crazy mama, today is another day. I’ll get up, sort the kids, show up to Lees blast class at city fitness, try my best to keep on track. We all fuck up as long as I learn and try again the next day. I’m telling you because I know there’s others like me and we can support each other. Making myself accountable publicly gets my arse up and out the door. Like the boxing public fight I did, nothing like the thought of a hiding in public to make you train.🥊 I’m doing half marathon 2nd December, I fuckin hate running but needed a goal.😩 So each week I’ll let you know what I’m doing. Each day PUSH PLAY, I hope to motivate you too. Some people look like they so have their life together and don’t always!

Keeping it real, raw, relatable and honest. To many fake PC people on social media, they make us feel shit because they seem so together and perfect. You never know what goes on behind closed doors, some are great at keeping up appearances. I always think it could be worse, I could be addicted to heroin, but you don’t need heroin to survive like you need custard squares and RJs liquorice lol. At some time you just gotta shake yourself and say get a grip woman and take back your control!

You guys rock, love sharing with you, it’s healing. I’m ready to carve it up at the Gym in a group session, then get home to work. Have a fab day, I am stoaked I made it to the gym, positive little steps in the right direction.

Suz xxx


P.s Kiwi deserves a break, he works fricken hard, I’m over it now, texted him safe travels ❤️


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Mr Brother Had a Milk Run

My brother had a milk run, other kids had a paper run, what did you have? I worked in the Pirimai dairy from 12 till 20. I paid for my pony, gear and grazing myself. Taught people to save for what they want.

Parents… don’t give kids instant gratification by handing over things, for example, a phone they haven’t had to work for. Mine saved and bought their own when they started high school. Make them learn patience, value for money, shopping around and the difference between a need and want. Them paying will make them value it more, look after it better and appreciate how much hard work goes into having the dollars for a purchase. Don’t let them pay things off, hire purchase, that doesn’t help wanting instant gratification, teach kids to save. We teach ours spend half, save half. Teach them to bargain and to get a discount with cash. Teach them a second hand one is fine, until you save enough to get the fancy iPhone you want. Don’t spoil your kids with stuff, teach them stuff isn’t who they are eg the latest label clothes or iPhone, it’s what they use. Spoil them with 😍 I love you and your time.

I laughed at this, we saved to buy a new bed a few years ago. Went to buy one with cash, I didn’t want to book one up. The shop assistant said, “wow you have cash! it’s usually only drug dealers and Asians that have cash!”. I said, “well I’m neither of those!!!!”


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Helicopter Theory

Kiwi (my husband) and I just had a two-hour session with our counselor/ psychoanalyst Celia, we do every couple of months. Kiwi and I believe a psychoanalyst helps keep our marriage on track. The communication, the stress vent, understanding how each other rolls. Counselling isn’t just if you are on the rocks and about to split up, it’s to keep you as a strong united front, makes better parents.

We discussed briefly this parenting show I’m doing and a lot of my topics, I mentioned the importance of parents letting their kids take risks. Celia told me this is a theory


“Helicopter theory… it’s parents that hover!” Parents that don’t let the kids take risks, parents that micro manage. I believe risk is a major part of parenting, letting kids grow, learn and make mistakes.

Let them fall out of trees, let them play bull rush, let them drive the paddock racer ute in the paddock, let them tackle, wrestle and play rough. Ride a pony, a bike, a bull (steers …like my boy does!). You the parents, be there to pick up the pieces, drive to x-ray, plaster, bandages, wipe the tears or say how’d that go…? “Mmmm I wondered if that was a sensible choice” and “what did you learn from that.”

The thing is, let them take risks young, you don’t want them to get behind the wheel of a car at 16 and start taking risks. Especially when testosterone and peers are combined. Don’t Molly coddle mums, just don’t look… when they are climbing… leave them to it.

Have a ladder handy and plasters 😄

Suz x



Challenge Yourself

Challenge yourself!

  • Get out of your comfort zone!
  • It makes you feel alive!
  • The stress of a new challenge creates more focus!

Fight or flight, it’s a biological response, we all have self-doubt, that’s normal. Still push and try, find joy in the journey. When you complete the challenge, you feel amazing!!!

  • Trust in yourself!
  • Trust the process in getting there!
  • No regrets!
  • No excuses!

My challenge, my new parenting show I’m writing, I’m speaking end of September. December I’m doing Iron Maori half marathon in Napier. Then after that another goal of some sort, maybe book number two?

What’s your next challenge or goal? Could be anything, big or small:

  • Study?
  • Travel?
  • Saving?
  • Fitness?
  • Relationship improvement?
  • Music lessons?
  • Night class?
  • Local council?
  • Tell me!

I have more to say on challenges, watch my video by clicking here

Suz x

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