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Suzie Johnson

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Kids

We Stopped Bread in our House

We stopped… actually I stopped bread in our house. Kiwi the tortured soul, says “how’s a man meant to survive without bread lol”. He’s pretty stoked about it all lol… NOT

Gotta love him, he said he’s guna get black market bread, put it under his bed lol. No pies, no bread, no heart attacks.

Do u miss the bread kiwi? F–k yeah … lol

Watch my YouTube video on it by CLICKING HERE

 

Love Suz x

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Reminiscing on “the Joys of toilet training”

Reminiscing on “the Joys of toilet training”

Sprinting off to check the loo is safe before a visitor goes in!!! They need more training. We still have the phantom shitter strike occasionally… leaves a log, no loo paper in the bowl, doesn’t flush.

I’ll catch them one day!

 

Watch my video to see more by CLICKING HERE!

 

Suz x

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I’m Not Going to Tell you How to Parent

I’m not guna tell you how to parent in my Parenting Show. Take what you need from me talking about every aspect of parenting. I grew up in the 70s, in an era where quality time with dad was a trip to the dump, TAB and filling flagons at the Onekawa.

I discus my 5 kids and others, different ages. Eating a packet of blue tack, kids chatting to you on the loo while you poo or wee. Danger shags, putting the Wiggles video on so you get 15 mins away from Toddler eyes. Feeding, sleeping, socialising, risk taking, creative horse shit picking up discipline, through the years.

Fanny prolapse, incontinence laughs, pygmy boobs, losing it, the looks, relationships, everything. Stories, scenarios, raw relate-able real! I’m a BAD arse mum, not a snob mob mum.

I can do a fundraiser talk for your school or organisation, email me at headoffice@ooshshop.co.nz

 

Suz …

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Does your child talk ALOT?

I talk a lot… a lot! Always have, Oprah said “I was a talkin child”. My brain fires stuff at me constantly that is random and feels urgent. Then it says to me internally “quick you have to say it before you forget it”. My brain often doesn’t give me time to organise my thoughts, find some tact and prioritise what I need to say. I have an over powering urge and a need to get it out, I don’t mean to be but can be tactless, which has got me in trouble a lot. At times I talk so fast, because I have a lot to say, in a small amount of time. I spray my words like a machine gun.

My school reports reflected that in a negative way every year “If she put as much time into her school work, as she does into socialising she would do extremely well”. I heard on the telly, on the news when I was last in Melbourne that apparently girls that talk a lot could be ADHD, makes sense. I control it better now, age plus experience helps. I can read a situation better, I’m older. I have trouble sleeping at times because my brain doesn’t like to switch off. I often listen to sleep meditation via YouTube in bed to get sleep. I have a pad by my bed so I can write things down to clear de-clutter my head, I have hundreds of books I write in. I really need to concentrate to be a good listener, close my mouth and open my ears, an art I’m trying to improve, especially as a mum. I need to merely listen and hug not always feel I need to help solve their problems for them.

If you have a chatty daughter put her into speech and drama, that’s positive. If you have a chatty kid don’t tell them to shut up. Be mindful, sit down occasionally look us in the eye and listen as we often have interesting things to say. Don’t just give low energy responses like, mmm, oh, wow, as we know you aren’t listening, it feels like you don’t care. Making talking a positive experience.

My brother used to say ” shuuuuut uuuuppp Suzie, no one wants to hear about your stupid horse”. Mum would let me talk about my horse for half an hour each night while she cooked tea. She always would say “Suzie… think before you speak”. I now talk for a living, public speaking in a bid to empower women including myself. My much younger sister by 16 years, always says I’m undiagnosed ADHD, a bit manic, ADHD was unheard of when I was growing up in the 70s, Mum just kept me busy. I kept myself busy organising the neighbourhood kids to make shows and play schools, of course I was always the teacher.

Let them talk, tell her broad casting school in Wellington is a great option, with all that talk she could be on the radio or tv or in politics one day. I will… “She believed she could, so she did” with my rock a very patient, tolerant husband by my side, “he believes I can, so I do!”

Suz x

 

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Watch What You Say to People

Did anyone see that bullying doco?

I said to my boys and their mate on the way to school “watch what you say to people especially girls”. Things you say may be a passing comment and you forget straight away, but that comment can say in the persons head for ever and really affect them. Then Fletch on the radio cemented what I had said, he said someone at school called him a mono brow, so he got his dads razor and shaved between his eyes, the full width of the razor!!! His mum nearly died when she saw what he had done and gave him tweezers for future use!

Words can hurt…

Too fat
Too skinny
Ugly
Weird
Odd
Bung eye
Slow

Teach kids to have empathy to choose their words carefully. Teach them empathy and that there is a ripple effect for everything. Teach them to stick up for the little guy. Teach them bully’s suck, if you remind them enough hopefully it sinks in. I pull mine up regularly for comments to their siblings, remind and teach what is and isn’t acceptable.

Be kind as you don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s world.

Have a great day peeps!
Crazy mama x

 

 

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How to Paint your Chickens Claws

A tutorial on how to paint your pet chooks claws/ nails with Pipi Johnson. An important life skill.

No pet chickens were harmed in the making of this video.

Quite the opposite, all pimped out and nowhere to go.

To check out Pipi’s video CLICK HERE

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Getting Sorted for Kids

Getting sorted for the kids. Yup read it and adhere, Murphy reckons he will cross his name out… lol

I said there’s cameras watching and turned and pointed to a light on hard drive. He’s like “Whatever mum, I’m not stupid, that’s the light that says the computer is on !!!” Clever boy, not so gullible now, dam it.

When they were smaller, I’d point to people on their phone in PAC n SAVE or Bunnings and say, “behave they are talking to 🎅 Santa about you and if you are behaving or not”.
Lol Suz

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Mr Brother Had a Milk Run

My brother had a milk run, other kids had a paper run, what did you have? I worked in the Pirimai dairy from 12 till 20. I paid for my pony, gear and grazing myself. Taught people to save for what they want.

Parents… don’t give kids instant gratification by handing over things, for example, a phone they haven’t had to work for. Mine saved and bought their own when they started high school. Make them learn patience, value for money, shopping around and the difference between a need and want. Them paying will make them value it more, look after it better and appreciate how much hard work goes into having the dollars for a purchase. Don’t let them pay things off, hire purchase, that doesn’t help wanting instant gratification, teach kids to save. We teach ours spend half, save half. Teach them to bargain and to get a discount with cash. Teach them a second hand one is fine, until you save enough to get the fancy iPhone you want. Don’t spoil your kids with stuff, teach them stuff isn’t who they are eg the latest label clothes or iPhone, it’s what they use. Spoil them with 😍 I love you and your time.

I laughed at this, we saved to buy a new bed a few years ago. Went to buy one with cash, I didn’t want to book one up. The shop assistant said, “wow you have cash! it’s usually only drug dealers and Asians that have cash!”. I said, “well I’m neither of those!!!!”

Suz

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Helicopter Theory

Kiwi (my husband) and I just had a two-hour session with our counselor/ psychoanalyst Celia, we do every couple of months. Kiwi and I believe a psychoanalyst helps keep our marriage on track. The communication, the stress vent, understanding how each other rolls. Counselling isn’t just if you are on the rocks and about to split up, it’s to keep you as a strong united front, makes better parents.

We discussed briefly this parenting show I’m doing and a lot of my topics, I mentioned the importance of parents letting their kids take risks. Celia told me this is a theory

😳😳😳

“Helicopter theory… it’s parents that hover!” Parents that don’t let the kids take risks, parents that micro manage. I believe risk is a major part of parenting, letting kids grow, learn and make mistakes.

Let them fall out of trees, let them play bull rush, let them drive the paddock racer ute in the paddock, let them tackle, wrestle and play rough. Ride a pony, a bike, a bull (steers …like my boy does!). You the parents, be there to pick up the pieces, drive to x-ray, plaster, bandages, wipe the tears or say how’d that go…? “Mmmm I wondered if that was a sensible choice” and “what did you learn from that.”

The thing is, let them take risks young, you don’t want them to get behind the wheel of a car at 16 and start taking risks. Especially when testosterone and peers are combined. Don’t Molly coddle mums, just don’t look… when they are climbing… leave them to it.

Have a ladder handy and plasters 😄

Suz x

❤️😄

 

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