Suzie Johnson



We Stopped Bread in our House

We stopped… actually I stopped bread in our house. Kiwi the tortured soul, says “how’s a man meant to survive without bread lol”. He’s pretty stoked about it all lol… NOT

Gotta love him, he said he’s guna get black market bread, put it under his bed lol. No pies, no bread, no heart attacks.

Do u miss the bread kiwi? F–k yeah … lol

Watch my YouTube video on it by CLICKING HERE


Love Suz x

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Kiwi the pie eater is stoked lol… not!

Healthy choice 👍🏻😄

Wifey looking after her maaaan! 😄👍🏻

Watch my YouTube video by CLICKING HERE

Suz x


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Reminiscing on “the Joys of toilet training”

Reminiscing on “the Joys of toilet training”

Sprinting off to check the loo is safe before a visitor goes in!!! They need more training. We still have the phantom shitter strike occasionally… leaves a log, no loo paper in the bowl, doesn’t flush.

I’ll catch them one day!


Watch my video to see more by CLICKING HERE!


Suz x

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House work makes you ugly!
Don’t do too much.

My OCD mates won’t cope.
Watch it at ya own risk lol CLICK HERE


Suz x

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I’m Not Going to Tell you How to Parent

I’m not guna tell you how to parent in my Parenting Show. Take what you need from me talking about every aspect of parenting. I grew up in the 70s, in an era where quality time with dad was a trip to the dump, TAB and filling flagons at the Onekawa.

I discus my 5 kids and others, different ages. Eating a packet of blue tack, kids chatting to you on the loo while you poo or wee. Danger shags, putting the Wiggles video on so you get 15 mins away from Toddler eyes. Feeding, sleeping, socialising, risk taking, creative horse shit picking up discipline, through the years.

Fanny prolapse, incontinence laughs, pygmy boobs, losing it, the looks, relationships, everything. Stories, scenarios, raw relate-able real! I’m a BAD arse mum, not a snob mob mum.

I can do a fundraiser talk for your school or organisation, email me at


Suz …

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SHARE with a Bestie

SHARE with a Bestie

And share ghost chips
And ghost cider
And ghost caramel baked cheesecake
And sit by our heated ghost pool


Suz x

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Love your Hair Suz

I’ve had some private messages about who cuts my hair, people wanting to stop colouring theirs and going silver. I’m glad I’m a silver fox now, was black hair, long black hair, I started looking a bit hard. Glad silver is trendy now, I don’t regret it.

AMELIA LONDON at Spectra in Palmerston North cuts mine, they’re on George street.

Yup I’m grey now naturally, but she puts in a tint now and then. Go see her, get a do that suits your face shape and your schedule.

No high maintenance for this mama.


Suz x


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Mother of the Year Tonight!

Mother of the year tonight.

Cereal and milk with hard boiled eggs, for dinner tonight kids… watching Beauty and the Beast movie!

My bra is off, this mum has clocked out for the day.

Covered most of my bases… Dairy, Carbs, Protein and Fruit (dried)


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Does your child talk ALOT?

I talk a lot… a lot! Always have, Oprah said “I was a talkin child”. My brain fires stuff at me constantly that is random and feels urgent. Then it says to me internally “quick you have to say it before you forget it”. My brain often doesn’t give me time to organise my thoughts, find some tact and prioritise what I need to say. I have an over powering urge and a need to get it out, I don’t mean to be but can be tactless, which has got me in trouble a lot. At times I talk so fast, because I have a lot to say, in a small amount of time. I spray my words like a machine gun.

My school reports reflected that in a negative way every year “If she put as much time into her school work, as she does into socialising she would do extremely well”. I heard on the telly, on the news when I was last in Melbourne that apparently girls that talk a lot could be ADHD, makes sense. I control it better now, age plus experience helps. I can read a situation better, I’m older. I have trouble sleeping at times because my brain doesn’t like to switch off. I often listen to sleep meditation via YouTube in bed to get sleep. I have a pad by my bed so I can write things down to clear de-clutter my head, I have hundreds of books I write in. I really need to concentrate to be a good listener, close my mouth and open my ears, an art I’m trying to improve, especially as a mum. I need to merely listen and hug not always feel I need to help solve their problems for them.

If you have a chatty daughter put her into speech and drama, that’s positive. If you have a chatty kid don’t tell them to shut up. Be mindful, sit down occasionally look us in the eye and listen as we often have interesting things to say. Don’t just give low energy responses like, mmm, oh, wow, as we know you aren’t listening, it feels like you don’t care. Making talking a positive experience.

My brother used to say ” shuuuuut uuuuppp Suzie, no one wants to hear about your stupid horse”. Mum would let me talk about my horse for half an hour each night while she cooked tea. She always would say “Suzie… think before you speak”. I now talk for a living, public speaking in a bid to empower women including myself. My much younger sister by 16 years, always says I’m undiagnosed ADHD, a bit manic, ADHD was unheard of when I was growing up in the 70s, Mum just kept me busy. I kept myself busy organising the neighbourhood kids to make shows and play schools, of course I was always the teacher.

Let them talk, tell her broad casting school in Wellington is a great option, with all that talk she could be on the radio or tv or in politics one day. I will… “She believed she could, so she did” with my rock a very patient, tolerant husband by my side, “he believes I can, so I do!”

Suz x


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