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Suzie Johnson

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mums

I’m Not Going to Tell you How to Parent

I’m not guna tell you how to parent in my Parenting Show. Take what you need from me talking about every aspect of parenting. I grew up in the 70s, in an era where quality time with dad was a trip to the dump, TAB and filling flagons at the Onekawa.

I discus my 5 kids and others, different ages. Eating a packet of blue tack, kids chatting to you on the loo while you poo or wee. Danger shags, putting the Wiggles video on so you get 15 mins away from Toddler eyes. Feeding, sleeping, socialising, risk taking, creative horse shit picking up discipline, through the years.

Fanny prolapse, incontinence laughs, pygmy boobs, losing it, the looks, relationships, everything. Stories, scenarios, raw relate-able real! I’m a BAD arse mum, not a snob mob mum.

I can do a fundraiser talk for your school or organisation, email me at headoffice@ooshshop.co.nz

 

Suz …

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Teach your kids!

Teach your kids they need to work too, don’t hand over everything for nothing. Let them earn it or at least go halves with you for things.

RESPECT… they need to understand, you as a caregiver needs to go to work, do a hard day graft to pay for their clothes, food, sport and transport. It’s not easy, you juggle bills and go without for them. Make sure they thank you, have a grateful attitude, a I’ll do my best attitude, not just expect. Thanks for dinner, a ride to rugby or something like a uniform you have bought them. Life isn’t about running around after teenagers 24/7, or it’s going be a rude awakening when they get out on their own and they’ll expect society owes them something. Common courtesy and manners are important. Pull them up for a half arse job, a half arse greeting to an adult, get them to re do it. As an employer, there’s nothing worse than an employee not pulling their weight, expecting to be paid for a half arse Harry attitude and poor work ethic.

One of my kids just got a rev up this arvo! Do a job and do it properly, don’t be ungrateful. Help your parents who work hard for you to give you a good life.  Answering back and complaining won’t get you anywhere, just in more trouble, less privileges, no rides to town, no technology, no money and picking up horse shit!

Consequences and ripple effect, own your actions or reactions. Make sure they know their actions affect others. Do their future partner and employers a favour, teach teens now to work well in a team (play team sport all through school and after). Teach kids to look people in the eye and talk clearly, greet people respectfully and have manners (not to grunt). People skills and networking in this day and age is what will get you ahead in life. Especially because so many kids are now on technology they can’t string together a decent conversation.

Teach them life isn’t all about them, it’s about compromise and hard work. Teach them to take on board constructive criticism, learn, absorb it and carry on. Sulking or complaining doesn’t help anyone. I use “I love you but not your behavior”.

Parents you aren’t your kids walking bank, let them wash your windows, clean your car, do a part time job or babysit for cash to see a movie or to buy something they want. Four kids of mine are down at the shops helping Kiwi work, ones here helping me sort the house. They’ll respect themselves more by making their own dollars and helping others.

Give them the gift of work ethic. They will not thank you now but they will later, so will their future employer.

Suz x

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I’m a LEGEND!

I’m a legend…. Boom!!!

Anyone puts anything dirty in that clear clean laundry from now till 8am… they will get a punch in the face!

 

Love Mum x

 

One on one time with the kids

Having one on one when you have 5 kids can be a mission, so I keep it simple. It doesn’t have to be leaving the house or going to town, it doesn’t have to cost a fortune. You have just gotta be present be in the moment, mindful, giving them your undivided attention for half an hour at least. Chat, guide, funny they learn without even realising.

  • Baking – teaching them to trust and follow a process.
  • Prepping tea – food safety.
  • A bike ride to kick a ball around – sport and coordination.
  • Planting in the garden little shop plants – nature and growing things.
  • Lying on the couch snuggled up watching the block – feeling the love !!!
  • Fixing or building something – creativity respect for tools.
  • Just making them feel valued as an individual – making memories.

I know we are all busy working, but now my twins are older in year 10, I wish I slowed down a bit to let them catch up. Not be so task oriented, housework can wait! Now when they chill, all the kids will help ice Pipis banana creations with chocolate icing and chuck on some hundreds and thousands, fancy, quality family time right there, no technology required, Ohhh except an oven and beater.

Boom… mother of the YEAH!
Happy kids ❤️

They wanted to share with their teachers too cute! Paying it forward! (they washed their hands so safe to eat!)

Suz x

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Tone

OK blokes, Crazy Mummas gunna help you out! They say don’t try to understand us, just love us… but sometimes it’s just not enough… so…

Its all in the tone, take your ques from the TONE of her voice.

If a woman says ‘do what you want’ or ‘I’m FINE’ angrily or during a heated discussion. Don’t under any circumstances DO WHAT YOU WANT and SHE AIN’T FINE.

  • Stand Still.
  • Don’t move.
  • Try not to even blink, let alone sniff or lick you lips.
  • Breathe quietly and slow, actually don’t breathe.
  • Be still and look sad for your own safety.

Once she looks a bit calmer try to defuse the situation… she can blow again so tread carefully.

  • DON’T SAY calm down! That will cause her to blow… BOOM
  • DON’T SAY chill out! Saying these words in the worlds history of arguments has ever made her chill out NO she’ll blow up way worse BOOOOM

And you getting tourettesy and swearing at her, also not helpful. You’ll have a Hiroshima size blow up on your hands.

Start with… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I can tell I’ve hurt your feelings and that’s the last thing I want to do. I don’t want to fight with you… wait… just wait, she should self calm.

If nice stuff doesn’t work, throw chocolate at her feet and retreat like the American Troops retreated in Vietnam, she and you made need SPACE and time. Some battles you both can’t win, at times you just have to agree to disagree and compromise (such a grown up word that). It still means you are THE MAN, a clever man just making life easier for yourself. Pick your battles; some shit is not worth the fuss. Remember doing little jobs like hanging out washing, helping kids do homework, cooking tea will make her so much more agreeable when you want to do stuff… to her… with her… and with mates!

It’s 50/50

Love Suz xox

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Mothers Day

Hey its Suzie Johnson here…

Mums, this is YOUR DAY! A CELEBRATION OF YOU AND YOUR AWESOMENESS!

Mums are pretty special people. You have no idea what a mother goes through until you become one yourself.

Mums still love you even after they had you and you made them sleep deprived, worry, poor, their boobs saggy, tummy stretch marked and bum hemorrhoidal.

Mums don’t have to be biological, I have five babies, ones adopted; I tell her she didn’t grow under my heart she grew in it. I got to pick her, so she’s my present!!! I love her as I love them all.

Mums need to be told often they are loved and cherished because they aren’t always going to be here. One day there will come a day you wish you told her you loved her more. So text her, phone her, visit her TELL HER OFTEN.

I have a few second mums, not biologically attached, but caring woman that have taken me under their wings and loved unconditionally through the years, so I thank them too. It takes a community of women to raise children, Mums and grandmas, second mums, adoptive mums, surrogate mums. A big posy of caring women with a wealth of knowledge, they have intuition and lead by example.

So all you fab mums out there; eat the cake and buy the shoes. Remember life is short, look at all those ladies on the titanic that waved off the desert trolley because they were watching their weight and didn’t eat the cake. Don’t make that mistake.

Mums try hard, struggle and give everything to make sure our kids feel happy and loved. Eat the cake and drink up, especially all you single mums, you are bloody legends.

 

Love you Mums, YOU ROCK!

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